Thursday, August 14, 2008

Dart's Rant Of The Day: Madden 09

My brother copped Madden 09 last night and he played it for 5 hours straight. While he was doing so he was yelling, screaming, swearing and occasionally he just fell silent and threw his hands up. He never once threw his controller, mind you (they cost hella money). The controls were different, the action cam was fucking him up, they changed the swat button on defense and the goddamn Madden IQ Test almost made him lose it completely.

Since this was the 20th game in the Madden franchise's history EA Sports and Tiburon decided to make it extra special and add some new features to the game. One of them being Rewind, where if you fuck up a play and give up a long gainer you can rewind that shit and play it all over again. The tougher the setting you're playing on the less you're allowed to do it. There are different play controls that will take a while for Madden heads to get used to as well.

When it comes to Madden 09, I'm like the 2/3rds Amerikkka's Nightmare: old, Black and just don't give a fuck. I'm at the age where if I throw an interception on Madden I'm like "I just gotta play defense". No reaction whatsoever. Back in the days I had pride in my Madden abilities, when there were clashes between other Madden heads I was there like Masta Ace in '94. Nowadays, the only way toget me to play a game of Madden is to beg...I shit you not (ask my people!).

I used to be nice on offense. Now, I can't seem to grasp the running game and throwing the goddamn ball has gotten to be a chore. I'd rather try to get through customs in the United Arab Emirates with 20 pounds of heroin in my luggage than play one of these Madden diehards from Madden Nation. All that trash talking and showing out won't fly with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't care that I'm losing. It's just that you're getting hyped up like you're actually IN the game. Please stop taking the EA slogan to heart and just kick the fuckin' extra point already!

The Madden IQ test is the source of much anger and frustration as of right now. The running one is a problem on the last level. The throwing challenge is kinda tough but you can manage to get over 500 most of the time. Defense is another matter entirely. How the fuck are you expected to tackle that running back? He's Bo Jackson crossed with Bruce Lee and Jesus! My brother Buc was doing the DB/CB test and he got dusted 80% of the time...and he's NICE at Madden. Homie went to bed salty last night after playing Madden 09! He said he feels that Chris Collinsworth is insulting him during the game commentary.

I can't wait 'til he gets home and fires up the PS3 to go at it again (cuz his pride can't handle a 524 Madden IQ rating). I can just hear "Fuck!", "This is bullshit!", "Are you kidding me?", "Who can block all of these goddamn people?" and "How the fuck are you supposed to tackle these assholes if they stiff arm you and you just collapse into a pile?".

I'll Be Reviewing These Joints Tomorrow:



John Q said...

Can't wait fot the review. I know what you mean when it comes to Madden. I used to be one of those cats who prided over the game like you manhood was on-tha-line. F*ck outta her with that. I rarely played Madden in past two years and I guess my focus is the eternal pursuits of some ... yeah I save that for the after-night special. Cool post all in all.

Anonymous said...

LOL. From playing the demo on the 360, I gotta agree with the IQ test on defense. It's damn near impossible to stop the offense. I swatted a few balls as a CB, but on run defense, I don't think I tackled the RB once.

The QB test was aight, though, and I breezed through the RB test.

Anonymous said...

haven't played new one yet, but i very much enjoy a competitive madden game amongst friends...

however, if you're not interested (happens sometimes), or if they're playing by themselves, then there's not many things funnier than hearing someone flip shit in a neighboring room over a video game

Aaron said...

On 360 hold down the right trigger to sprint & you should be able to catch up to the running backs for the tackle.

I think the "rewind" feature is dumb.

Anonymous said...

^Yeah, I agree.

Its just seems really cheap. Either you convert on fourth down, or you don't. No re-do's.

I can't see anyone who's played Madden in the past couple of years using that feature.