Friday, December 4, 2009

What's New In Dart's iPod #107 AKA Fuck!

This week I'll be reviewing five new projects that recently hit the 'net/bloggerverse and/or will be landing on store shelves soon in the following order: Alicia Keys "The Element Of Freedom", Eminem "Relapse: Refill", Gucci Mane "The State Vs. Radric Davis", Snoop Dogg "Malice In Wonderland" and Timbaland "Shock Value II". For those of you new to this blog, I don’t rate albums on a scale or assign them a numerical value out of 5 or 10, instead I merely answer the all important question of “Is it worth buying or not?”. Here's how my recently revised "Cop It Or Not" ratings system breaks down below:

Opinions be damned. This particular project has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and should come with a Surgeon General's warning and/or a biohazard sticker. It should only be handled by hazmat teams or bomb/demolition squads. To quote Common & Canibus, this album is your worst nightmare squared.

Oh No! This CD is a drink coaster/table balancer/doorstop/gerbil/hamster room divider/frisbee/discus/makeshift shield/last ditch choice for a visor/alternate shuriken choice. Sell this shit to whoever is dumb enough to buy it from you.

Maeby (Maybe)! Depending on your own set of personal preferences you might like this joint. Give it a listen first to see if it's in your lane or not.

Mos Def! Cop the album when it drops...'Nuff said.

40 is the new 30! © Jay-Z

Best Joints: Love Is Blind, Doesn't Mean Anything, Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart, Wait Til You See My Smile, That's How Strong My Love Is, Un-thinkable (I'm Ready), Love Is My Disease, Like The Sea, Put It In A Love Song, This Bed, Distance And Time, How It Feels To Fly and Empire State of Mind (Part II): Broken Down

Hot Garbage: N/A

Dart's Take: Holy crap. An R&B album devoid of AutoTune that sounds like original creations rather than a gang of The-Dream, Tricky Stewart & Ne-Yo throwaway tracks. God bless you, Miss Keys. I still hate your man, though (although it's very evident from listening to the album that she's in love with his ass). I give "The Element Of Freedom" a mos def.

Best Joints: Forever, Hell Breaks Loose, Buffalo Bill (*yawn*), Elevator, Taking My Ball, Music Box and Drop the Bomb On Em

Hot Garbage: The idea of releasing this project period

Dart's Take: These songs aren't good enough to warrant a re-release of this album that people need to buy again for more than $5.99. Real talk. I'm sick of the annoying accent & the songs about hacking up women. Do that shit you did on "Forever" and the BET Awards Show cipher on wax next time instead. Please? Maybe.

Best Joints: Are you fuckin' kidding me? This is like a Special Olympics world record holder got a record deal. This dude is horrible! It's worse when he tries to rappity rap. How do people listen to this bullshit without doing physical harm to themselves? It's like a Tyler Perry movie come to life. I feel like I'm being waterboarded...

Hot Garbage: All of it. Everything. No exceptions. Exterminate everyone. Raze everything. I'm with the Scorched Earth Method on this one. If it moves kill it. If you appeared on this album I feel sorry for your mothers. Real talk.

Dart's Take: Lock this wack dude underneath the Ninth Circle Of Hell. There were only nine, right? Fuck it, make a tenth one exclusively for him, Satan! Make him the fuckin' manager and Waka Flocka Flame can be his assistant. Fuck this album. Fuck the A&R's and execs that signed this dude. Fuck the label that manufactured and distributed this filth farn filth. They (Asylum Records) should be brought up on charges of audio terrorism and attempted rape of eardrums & brains across this great nation of ours. Fuck Radric Davis and all the oxygen he converts into CO2 daily. "The State Vs. Radric Davis" is the wackness.

Best Joints: I Wanna Rock, 2 Minute Warning, Different Languages, That's Tha Homie, Upside Down, Secrets, Pimpin Ain't EZ, Luv Drunk, and Special

Hot Garbage: 1800, Gangsta Luv and Pronto

Dart's Take: This album is too commercial for it's own good. His last album had tracks that could have crossed over. This album has tracks made specifically to cross over. The lyricism has taken a back seat to the flow and I know he had a ghostwriter for his last album. His last album was better as far as I'm concerned. Nowhere near wack but nada that's really special. Maybe.

Best Joints: Carry Out, Lose Control, Meet In Tha Middle, Say Something, Tomorrow In A Bottle, Morning After Dark, If We Ever Meet Again, Can You Feel It, Ease Off The Liquor, Undertow, Timothy Where You Been, Long Way Down, Marching On (Timbo Version), The One I Love and Symphony

Hot Garbage: We Belong To Music (It's Miley)

Dart's Take: It's a'ight. The overwhelming amount of this album makes great background music for retail shopping in specialized stores. I'm glad to hear Esthero again and she was on two of the best tracks on the project in my honest opinion. This album is cool but way too much glowstick/club pandering for my tastes. I give it a maybe overall.

Late Passes (For Doz Dat Slept):

Projects I'm Looking Forward To Reviewing Once They Leak...I Mean Drop:

Rhymefest-El Che
Jay Electronica-Act II: Patents Of Nobility
Jay Electronica-Abracadabra: Let There Be Light
Big Boi-Sir Luscious Leftfoot, Son Of Chico Dusty
Pac Div-Grown Kid Syndrome
Blu-God Is Good
Drake- Thank Me Later
Alchemist & Oh No are Gangrene
Eternia & MoSS- At Last
B.O.B.-The Adventures Of B.O.B.
Billy Danze-Behind Gatez
Statik Selektah & Termanology Are 1982
Lil' Fame & Termanology-Fizzyology
Phat Kat and Elzhi are Cold Steel
The Beatnuts-The Planet Of The Crates
Ski Beatz-Half Man, Half Amazing
Evidence-Cats & Dogs
Statik Selektah-The Hangover
Buff1 & Rhettmatic -Crown Royale
Apollo Brown & Boog Brown-UPS
DJ Muggs & Ill Bill- Kill Devil Hills
Crown Nation (Quelle & Denmark Vessey)-Slut Bag Edition
Jay Electronica x Mos Def x Curren$y-Center Edge Territory
Meth x Rae x Ghost-The Wu Massacre

Bloggerhouse has arrived! Dart Adams (Poisonous Paragraphs), Travis Glave (Wake Your Daughter Up), & Eric Coons (When They Reminisce) are the official lineup of Bloggerhouse. Content is king and we are the undisputed kings of content. It's only been a month and we've already moved to the top of the Bloggerverse. I have to thank Eric & Trav for all of it. Let's keep it up, fellas! 2010 is ours.



DocZeus said...

You know as much as I violently dislike the school of thought that contends that Gucci is god's gift to lyricism. I equally can't quite fathom the violent distaste this guy engenders as well. If not for the cacophony of hype around this guy, he'd be pretty middle of the road.

No redeeming qualities seems a bit harsh. Grossly overhyped seems fair.

Anonymous said...

@Doc Zeus No one on the planet earth, "contends that Gucci is god's gift to lyricism". He is not a lyricist. He is however the most fun rapper since Cam'ron.

@Dart Adams Anyone that flames on and on about how terrible Gucci is probably hates Cam too. I dunno man, variety is the spice of life. There's a big difference between Gucci and Shawty Lo. I assume you would disagree Dart.

DocZeus said...

"@Doc Zeus No one on the planet earth, "contends that Gucci is god's gift to lyricism". He is not a lyricist. He is however the most fun rapper since Cam'ron."

Apparently, you haven't been reading the works of Andrew Noz and David Drake.

Anonymous said...

@ DocZeus I have not. Yikes.

Dart Adams said...

@DocZeus: You know me. Fuck Gucci infinity. LOL

@Anonymous: I hate Cameron Giles more than Lil' Wayne hates wearing condoms