Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Edward & Bella Both Suck AKA Dartflix Edition #69

This month opened with "The Men Who Stare At Goats" and "The Fourth Kind" both pulling in more than $12 million dollars at the box office while the film "The Box" only brought in a disappointing $7.5 million. Not only that but the film itself was a disappointment to fans and critics alike. The end was confusing to many filmgoers and the payoff wasn't impressive in the least. The film "Precious" began it's now impressive art house run but I bet the Oprah co-sign has a lot to do with it. The next week (the weekend of the 13th) saw the Wes Anderson stop motion adaptation of the children's book "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" rake in a jaw dropping $265,900 in only 4 total screen over the weekend. To give you an idea of how monumental that is, it averaged $66,475 per screen. The top movie that same weekend ("2012") only averaged $19,165 in comparison. About "2012"...


Roland Emmerich's new "everyone run while the world falls apart!" CGI/SFX heavy suckfest "2012" made a shitload of money at the box office this past weekend. Who needs a script and character development? Not Hollywood! This piece of bile made $65 million dollars last weekend and when I asked anyone if they could remember a line from it I got nothing. Did everyone really have to relocate to Africa, though? That is fuckin' hilarious and terrible simultaneously. Next week, "The Twilight Saga: New Moon" opens. It's gonna suck. "Ninja Assassin"? It could possibly suck. "The Road"? I hope not. Enjoy your Thanksgiving (or don't because it's another bullshit holiday where *Angry Black man rant continues on*).

Films I recommend in theaters (11.16.09 -11.30.09) or to add to your queue early or for rental from either Netflix or Redbox:

Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans
The Road
Ninja Assassin
Star Trek (Two Disk Digital Copy Edition)
Angels & Demons
Funny People
Four Christmases
Gomorrah (Criterion Edition)
Thirst
The Limits Of Control
Rituals
Prisoner
Basement Jack
Cujo (25th Anniversary Edition)
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: It's A Very Sunny Christmas (series)
Rome: The Complete Series (series)
Superman: The Complete Animated Series (animated)
The Spectacular Spider-Man, Vol. 5 (animated)
Ben 10: Alien Force, Vol. 5 (animated)
Drawn Together- The Complete Series (animated)
Rock And Rule (animated)
Evangelion 1.01 You Are (Not) Alone Movie (anime)
Dragon Ball Z: Dragon Box One (anime)
Bleach, Vol. 22 (anime)
Naruto: Shipudden, Vol. 3 (anime)
Tsubaga Reservoir Chronicle: Season 1 (anime)
Samurai Princess (anime)
Bamboo Blade: Part 1 (anime)
Nana: Uncut Box Set: Season One, Vol. 2 (anime)
Inki Tousen Dragon Destiny Volume 1: Romance Of The Three High Schools (anime)
Blade Of The Immortal Volume 2 (anime)
Lil' Wayne-The Carter (music documentary)
The Who, The Mods & The Quadrophenia Connection (music documentary)
Fight Club [Blu-Ray]
Leon The Professional [Blu-Ray]
Clerks [Blu-Ray]
Chasing Amy [Blu-Ray]
The Way Of The Gun [Blu-Ray]
Ghost In A Shell 2.0 [Blu-Ray]
Angel Heart [Blu-Ray]
Blood: The Last Vampire (anime version) [Blu-Ray]
Ink [Blu-Ray]
New Police Story [Blu-Ray]
Ichi The Killer [Blu-Ray]
The Fourth Kind
The Box
The Men Who Stare At Goats
Pirate Radio
The Fantastic Mr. Fox
Food Inc.
The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3
Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut
Ballast
Lemon Tree
Where The Wild Things Are
Law Abiding Citizens
Black Dynamite
Amelia
Astro Boy
Ong Bak 2
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
The Ministers
Antichrist
Battlestar Galactica: The Plan
Medicine For Melancholy
The Tournament
Fear(s) Of The Dark
Zombieland
Capitalism: A Love Story
A Serious Man
Whip It
The Invention Of Lying
More Than A Game
Good Hair
Couples Retreat
The Assassination Of A High School President
American Violet
The Informant!
Pandorum
Paranormal Activity
Lymelife
Observe And Report
Away We Go
Management
Shrink
The Girlfriend Experience
Extract
Carriers
Dorian Gray
State Of Play
Sleep Dealer
Take Out
Grace
Shadow Boxer
Inglorious Basterds
Five Minutes Of Heaven
Big Fan
Surveillance
Duplicity
Adventureland
Sunshine Cleaning
The Informers
Shinjuku Incident
Trouble The Water
Tyson
Cold Souls
District 9
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
It Might Get Loud
Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince
(500) Days Of Summer
Shrink
In The Loop
Watchmen (Director's Cut) (Two Disc Special Edition)
An Empress And The Warriors
Public Enemies
Soul Power
Dead Snow
Death Trance
Night Train
Five Fingers
Resolved
Horsemen
[REC]
Explicit Ills
Waltz With Bashir
Sword Of The Stranger
Tokyo!
The Hangover
The Taking Of Pelham 123
Moon
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete [Blu-Ray]
Bane
Killshot
Star Trek
The Limits Of Control
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button
Incendiary
Caprica
Martyrs (Unrated)
As The Technics Spin
The Escapist
Watchmen: Tales Of The Black Freighter & Under The Hood
Elegy
Special
Timecrimes
Battle In Seattle
50 Dead Men Walking
B13: Ultimatum
Protege
Chocolate
Baby


Dart's Movie Recommendations (I personally cosign all of these joints):

Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans
The Road
Ninja Assassin
Star Trek (Two Disk Digital Copy Edition)
Angels & Demons
Funny People
Gomorrah (Criterion Edition)
Thirst
Cujo (25th Anniversary Edition)
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: It's A Very Sunny Christmas (series)
Rome: The Complete Series (series)
Superman: The Complete Animated Series (animated)
Rock And Rule (animated)
Evangelion 1.01 You Are (Not) Alone Movie (anime)
Lil' Wayne-The Carter (music documentary)
The Who, The Mods & The Quadrophenia Connection (music documentary)
Fight Club [Blu-Ray]
Leon The Professional [Blu-Ray]
Clerks [Blu-Ray]
Chasing Amy [Blu-Ray]
The Way Of The Gun [Blu-Ray]
Ghost In A Shell 2.0 [Blu-Ray]
Angel Heart [Blu-Ray]
Blood: The Last Vampire (anime version) [Blu-Ray]
New Police Story [Blu-Ray]
Ichi The Killer [Blu-Ray]


Rent/Watch these movies at your own risk:

Twilight Saga: New Moon: There was so much unintentional comedy in the last one I may just see it to laugh at it. I wonder if a bunch of werewolves are gonna play a game of football in the woods during a snowstorm in it?

Bruno: I'm good. I wasn't too amused with "Borat" and I LOVED the "The Ali G Show". Ah well...

Shorts: This is on DVD already, huh?

The Blind Side: Yet another story about a huge meek magical negro who gets adopted by a White family where he thrives *Groan*. At least Sandy is lookin' rather well in it. Fuck this movie.


Coming (relatively) Soon To A Theater (or computer) Near You:


One.

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