Tuesday, June 17, 2008

What Had Happened Was...AKA Dartflix Edition #35

M. Night Shyamalan has done it again. He has managed to make yet another slow paced film that is seemingly devoid of a soul that forces the audience to sit there and watch, wait and hope for understanding of the point/s (if any) the filmmaker is trying to make. Maybe when the film is over it'll all make sense and we'll collectively say "Oh!", let out a sigh of relief and "get it" so we'll be satisfied with the overall final product once the credits start rolling.

In this case, once the credits started rolling and you were sitting alone in the dark you realized that what really happened was that Shyamalan had gotten you to part with your money yet again and delivered nothing of substance in return. The story never really got deeper than the surface no matter how many dead bodies or "shocking" death scenes you saw. Was part of the happening a lack of emotion to cover up the cast's hollow acting? I really didn't care much about any of the main characters except for the little girl and that was because she didn't speak until the end of the film, forcing her character to actually have to emote!

While all of these people were dropping like flies and straight merking themselves in the film, I just didn't give a fuck. There was only one instance in the entire film where when someone died that I was actually moved but in that particular case they had it coming so whatever. It wasn't shocking when they got bodied, you were actually waiting for it since they got warned it was gonna happen and all (?). As bodies fell, I just observed and hoped it led to clues about what was actually causing "The Happening". No dice.

When it got to the point where folks were scared of trees, grass, plants and running from the wind I knew that it would be a chore for me to finish this godforsaken flick. When it did finally did end and all of the events and information I ingested from that cinematic daymare washed over me I realized that I had just lost 90 minutes of my life that I can never get back. That movie went nowhere fast and then it took forever to say nothing. The twist? The twist is that there are no real explanations or answers for why The Happening ever even happened in the first place. What? Fuck that!

This movie was boring, it failed to make a lasting impression and it even failed to make a real, valid point when it easily could've. This was filmmaking and storytelling at it's worst. Wooden protagonists and a mysterious happening with no real explanation that turns out to be pretty dumb once it's finally revealed equals a bullshit movie no one should've paid to see. Thank God for the internet is all I have to say. This flick gets an oh no from me. Stop making garbage, M. Night!



Films I recommend in theaters (6.15.08-6.30.08) or to add to your queue early or for rental from either Netflix or Redbox:

Chaos Theory
Be Kind Rewind
The Incredible Hulk
Wanted
Mongol
The Promotion
The Boondocks-The Complete Second Season
City Of Men
In Bruges
Charlie Bartlett
Jumper
Stop-Loss
Persepolis
The Grand
Funny Games
Californication-Season One
Burn Notice-Season One
Jericho-The Second Season
Rescue Me-The Complete Fourth Season
The Dead Zone: The Final Season
The Restless
Just Add Water
Flawless
Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs
So I Married An Ax Murderer (Deluxe Edition)
Diary Of The Dead
Finishing The Game
Cleaner
War, Inc.
Redbelt
The Air I Breathe
The Warriors: Director's Cut Special Edition
Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Savage Grace
A Dirty Carnival
Cross Bronx
Iron Man
The Machine Girl
The Forbidden Kingdom
I'm Not There
The 4400-The Complete Fourth Season
Botched
Doomsday
Rambo
The Chair
The Tiger Blade
Bomb It
Inglorious Bastards (1978)
Heroes Of The East
Come Drink With Me
88 Minutes
Street Kings
Paranoid Park
Snow Angels
The Bank Job
How To Rob A Bank
Shoot Down
Chicago 10
Weeds-Season Three
Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden?
The Onion Movie
The Killing Of John Lennon
The Tracey Fragments
John Adams (HBO miniseries)
Invisible Target
The Signal
Right At Your Door
Civic Duty
Vantage Point
Dragon Tiger Gate
Definitely, Maybe
Fade
Shotgun Stories
Player 5150
The Ruins
Drillbit Taylor
Batman: Gotham Knight
Sleepwalking

Dart's Rental Recommendations (I personally cosign all of these joints):

The Incredible Hulk
Wanted
Californication-Season One
Be Kind Rewind
Chaos Theory
In Bruges
Charlie Bartlett
Persepolis
The Restless

Rent/Watch these movies at your own risk:

Fool's Gold: Perfect title for this film if you ask me.

Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins: I take it that the only way to get a movie with a bunch of Black folks made in Hollywood nowadays is if you try to pass it off as a "family film" and bite Tyler Perry's "formula". This is worse than the whole "'hood movie" era in my opinion.

10, 000 B.C.: Fuck this piece of cinematic garbage. CGI can't save you.

Get Smart: It might be funny but I'm just sick of adaptations...Anne Hathaway is still my chick, though.

The Love Guru: The trailer made me cringe more times than it made me laugh. That's never a good sign. This is all your fault, Deepak Chopra!


Coming (relatively) Soon To A Theater (or computer) Near You:


Go Celtics! Close out the Lakers tonight in The Jungle!

Game 6 of the NBA Finals in Boston, MA @ TD Banknorth Garden
June 17th, 2008 @ 9:00 PM EST ABC
(1) Boston Celtics vs. (1) Los Angeles Lakers
BOS leads 3-2 (best of 7)

Ubuntu! © Boston Celtics





One.

1 comment:

goathair said...

You have to admit that the movie was hilarious though. The whole theatre I was in was laughing at how bad it was.