Monday, December 31, 2007

2007: A Blog Odyssey AKA Dart’s Official End Of The Year Post

Here is my final post of 2007 and as you would've guessed it's full of lists. I'll be doing another post on January 1st as it will mark the one year anniversary of this very blog. Without further ado I present my last blog of 2007:

Dart’s Favorite New Shows Of 2007:

Californication


Damages


The Tudors


The Riches


Dirt


Meadowlands AKA Cape Wrath (cancelled)


John From Cincinnatti (cancelled)

Dart’s 25 Favorite Movies Of 2007:

28 Weeks Later
30 Days Of Night
300
3:10 To Yuma
Alpha Dog
American Gangster
The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead
Beowulf
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Dead Girl
Eastern Promises
Gone Baby Gone
Grindhouse (Planet Terror & Death Proof)
The Hoax
I Am Legend
The Kingdom
Mr. Brooks
The Nines
No Country For Old Men
Revolver
Southland Tales
Sunshine
The Ten
There Will Be Blood

Dart’s Top 12 Favorite Albums Of 2007 (Non Hip Hop):

Kenna-Make Sure They See My Face

Chrisette Michelle-I Am


Mary J. Blige-Growing Pains

Alicia Keys-As I Am

Keyshia Cole-Just Like You

Amerie-Because I Love It

Candi Payne-I Wish I could Have Loved You More

Siobhan Donaghy-Ghosts

Kate Nash-Made Of Bricks

Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings-100 Days, 100 Nights

Amy Winehouse-Back To Black

Maroon 5-It Won’t Be Soon Before Long

One.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Striving For Perfection AKA Boston Stays Winning

The New England Patriots just came from behind 28-16 late in the 2nd half to win the game 38-35 against the New York Giants in Giants Stadium to become the first team in 35 years to have an undefeated regular season and the first to ever go 16-0 in the modern era of football. Tom Brady set the NFL record for the most touchdown passes thrown in an NFL season with 50 and Randy Moss set an NFL regular season record by catching 23 touchdown passes.

The New England Patriots have also shattered the previous NFL records for regular season scoring (583) and point differential (+315). They are now being called one of the greatest teams in NFL history...provided they manage to finish out the season 19-0 and win the Super Bowl.

The Boston Celtics are now 25-3 after a thrilling come from behind victory against the always tough Utah Jazz. The Celtics are currently on a West Coast road trip on the first half of their second of two back to back games (they'd previously beaten Sacramento and Seattle). They were down 56-49 and the Utah Jazz were shooting at a 65% clip and Paul Pierce was held scoreless at halftime.

In the second half, the Celtics clamped down on the Utah Jazz by playing their normal suffocating defense and won the 3rd quarter. They then jumped out ahead in the 4th quarter thanks to key contributions from the bench (Tony Allen, Eddie House, James Posey & Glen "Big Baby" Davis) and the Boston 3 Party leading the way. Paul Pierce scored 24 2nd half points and he Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett made clutch play after clutch play down the stretch until they pulled out at hard fought 104-98 victory tonight.

The New England Patriots have now earned a week of rest to get the right side of their offensive line back and get prepared for their opponent in the Divisonal Playoff Game. The Boston Celtics play a national game tomorrow afternoon against Kobe Bryant, Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum and the surprising Los Angeles Lakers.

I lost my game tonight in the DP Dot Com Pro Football Pool because I picked the Patriots to beat the spread...I knew that they wouldn't but I picked them anyways. Why? Because I NEVER beat against Boston ever in my life. Maybe the rest of the world will learn not to do it either.



One.



Friday, December 28, 2007

Things That Keep Me Sane In A Crazy World AKA My Favorite Sites (Updated From January)

We are in the information age and anything you need to know/find, all you have to do is hit up that Google bar and do a search. However, that still doesn’t mean you can necessarily find that site/forum that could be be of the most use to you. Given the sheer volume of wack shit out there, there are some places I use as sanctuaries/sources of information (I am an information junkie...ain’t it obvious from my blog?). Back in my record store days, I was pretty much called on to know a wide array of stuff. This is how I can bridge the gap between what I already know with what I don’t. These are my favorite spots on the net to visit and why when I’m not .

I've spent quite a bit of time this holiday season watching movies for free, Handbraking everything in site, going to back to back Celtics games (December 21st vs. Chicago Bulls and December 23rd vs. Orlando Magic), getting little sleep watching the C's on a West Coast road trip (2-0 so far..24-3 on the season!), trying to win the DP Dot Com Pro Football Pool in a miraculous Week 17 comeback and watching my nephew while he's on Christmas break so I haven't been able to blog this past week and an end of year Dartflix looks like it may not materialize unless a minor miracle occurs soon. Well, here's my new list:


The Red Bull Music Academy lectures help keep me convinced that there are hip hop producers that still have love and reverence for music and the art of Hip Hop. It’s like “Inside The Actors Studio” for producers, almost:

http://www.redbullmusicacademy.com/TUTORS.9.0.html?act_genre=7

This is where I find out who the hell all of those British/European groups with tight ass clothes and weird names are that everyone talks about on Dissensus (UK music/culture board):

http://allmusic.com/

This is what we use to watch “The Kingdom” on my brother's new video iPod:

http://handbrake.m0k.org/?article=download

This is where I get old school NES, SNES, NEO Geo and TurboGrafx16 games to play on my laptop with the arrows, Shift, Z and Space bar for Start. I’ll play Tecmo Super Bowl with Philly (Randall Cunningham was QB Eagles) and get my Mike Vick on (no dogfights/jail sentence) until I win the Super Bowl....and break all types of Pro Bowl records. Now that the Wii is adding these joints to the Virtual Console I can play them on aproper console and the games that haven’t been added yet still get played on the desktop:

http://www.emulator-zone.com/
http://www.rom-world.com/

Google and Blogger searches are cool, but you still miss mad stuff. This blog search engine is on beast mode. Sickamore from XXLmag.com put me on to it in 2006:

http://technorati.com/search/

Because even my memory has it’s limits in regards to albums:

http://www.discogs.com/

What’s that actors/actresses name? What was the name of that flick we saw as kids? When is Boondock Saints 2 ever coming out? What's going on with the new Watchmen movie? This is where I go:

http://www.imdb.com/

I grew up in the “Kung Fu Theater” generation and I grew up watching mad Kung Fu/Martial Arts/Wu Xia films. This is where I check out a wide assortment of trailers of classic (and some hot garbage) joints that I caught on channels 25 and 56 in Boston on a Sunday afternoon as a kid:

http://www.shaolinchamber.com/trailerschamber.html

Whenever I feel like my writing is slacking, I check some of these spec scripts out. I soon realize that I’m doing the right thing with my life and back out another article/blog. Warning: Some of these scripts are unintentionally funny as shit...they’re SERIOUS. Keep that in mind while reading the 1st draft of the movie adaptations of Metroid and Contra (No...for real):

http://www.scriptbuddy.com/community/

Rare CD’s and records? These are two of the spots I check first:

http://eil.com/
http://www.gemm.com/

How well/badly did a film do? What was it’s budget? How’d it do domestically and internationally? Will there be a sequel? This is where I go to find out:

http://www.the-numbers.com/index.php

Looking for some TV shows and movies you can’t find anywhere else? You better do like Jin said and learn Chinese to find everything you’re looking for, but I manage pretty well with just limited knowledge of it:

http://www.tudou.com/
http://www.youku.com/

This is where I get facts to separate from the fiction I see in all the goddamn historical crime dramas/gangster movies I watch:

http://www.crimelibrary.com/gangsters_outlaws/outlaws/index.html#1

Don’t feel like shelling out $10 to see a movie that might suck because it’s snowing outside? Just pick a flick and watch from home. I got about 10 more backup sites in case those disappear on me overnight (no SSUpload):

http://www.movie6.net/
http://www.bedroommedia.com/


These are the hip hop sites I got to find out about the hip hop I grew up on and fell in love with along with the DJ, producers and emcees me and my frienemies and enemends used to argue and debate about on a regular basis. I got love for any site with writers who know who Eddie Sancho, Herb Powers, and Dave “Funken” Klein are:

http://www.unkut.com/
http://www.ohword.com/

Why do I love Okayplayer? Where else would they run off Lupe Fiasco for never having heard Midnight Marauders? Where else would they gang up on people that diss The Beatnuts rhymes and production skills? Where else could someone post poll threads like “El-P vs. Dr. Dre” “Necro vs. Timbaland” and “Cannibal Ox vs. Mobb Deep”and El-P, Necro and Cannibal Ox ALL WIN? Nowhere else but in OKPLand, fam! They keep me on my toes for real. If you don’t stay sharp you will get eaten alive in there:

http://www.okayplayer.com/

Whenever I get stumped about anything comic book related whether it be information, images or comic book covers, these are the first places I go to:

http://www.celticsblog.com/index.php

All Of My Favorite Sites (All 96 Of ‘Em In One Shot!):

Monday, December 24, 2007

Peace On Earth, Goodwill To Men

I decided to make a Christmas related post that involves some of my favorite elements...animation and a post apocalyptic future where the world is inhabited entirely by animals (Rock & Rule). The original cartoon “Peace On Earth” was made in 1939 at the beginning of World War 2 and the Hanna Barbera remake "Good Will To Men" in 1955 was updated to include a new ending for mankind at the hands of the atomic bomb (which didn’t exist when the first version was created). I first saw this cartoon on regular TV back in 1978 and it scared the shit out of me. I saw the second version in 1980 and thought that it was even scarier because it started out all cutesy and then turned grimy at the drop of a dime.

When I got older, I did a little research into the back stories of both cartoons and with age I became to appreciate how great both of the versions are. Here’s my version of a Christmas post. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Navidad/Three Kings Day,  Joyous Kwanzaa (Harambe!), Great Festivus, and a good Saturnalia to you all (I don’t know what Wiccans celebrate this time of year so happy _____). Both versions of the celebrated anti-war/Christmas cartoon are below:


Peace On Earth (1939)



Good Will To Men (1955)



One.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Dart Adams presents The Top 50 Hip Hop Albums Of 2007 (According To Me)

I did this entire list starting this morning at 10:00 AM and rather than putting the list into numerical order from first to fiftieth, I decided to just put ‘em in alphabetical order. Here’s the damn list, people! Now you can stop e-mailing me and sending me MySpace messages about it. Nah for real, here it is. Feel free to critique it or complain about omissions in the comments box below:

7L & Esoteric-The New Dope/Egoclapper
9th Wonder- The Dream Merchant Vol. 2
Aesop Rock-None Shall Pass
Away Team-Traning Day
Bishop Lamont & Black Milk-Caltroit

Black Miilk-Popular Demand
Blu & Exile-Below The Heavens

Blue Scholars-Bayani
Buff1-Pure

Camp Lo-Black Hollywood
Charon Don & DJ Huggy (Hands Down)-Art Of Life

Common-Finding Forever
Consequence-Don’t Quit Your Day Job
Cunnlynguists-Dirty Acres
Danny!-Danny Is Dead
DJ Babu-The Beat Tape Vol. 1
DJ Muggs & Sick Jacken featuring Cynic-Legend Of The Mask & The Asssassin

El-P-I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead
Evidence-The Weatherman LP/Red Tape Instrumentals
Ghostface Killah-The Big Doe Rehab
Hell Razah-Rennaisance Child/Blue Sky Black Death & Hell Razah-Razah’s Ladder


Hezekiah-I Predict A Riot
Joe Budden-Mood Musik 3 (For Better Or Worse)

Joell Ortiz-Bodega: The Brick Chronicles
Johnson & Jonson (Blu & Mainframe)-Powders & Oils
Kano-Kano Mixtape/London Town
Kanye West-Graduation
Kidz In The Hall & Mick Boogie-Detention
Large Professor-Beatz Volume 2
Little Brother-Getback

Lupe Fiasco-Lupe Fiasco’s The Cool
Marco Polo-Port Authority
Median-Median’s Relief
MF Grimm-Hunt For The Gingerbread Man
Oh No-Dr. No’s Oxperiment
Ohmega Watts-Watts Happening

One Be Lo-The R.E.B.I.R.T.H.
Pharoahe Monch-Desire
Royce Da 5’9-The Bar Exam
Sean Price-Jesus Price Superstar
Snowgoons-German Lugers
Special Teamz-Stereotypez

Statik Selektah-Spell My Name Right: The Album
Talib Kweli-Eardrum
Talib Kweli & Madlib-Liberation
Termanology-Hood Politics V
Waajed presents The War LP
Y Society-Travel At Your Own Pace
Dart’s 2007 Honorable Mentions:
Apathy-Baptized By Fire
Archetype-Bleed For Them
Army Of The Pharaohs-Rituals Of Battle
Arts The Beatdoctor-Transitions
Big City-The City Never Sleeps
Black Philly & Reasonance-Insert Album Title Here
Blockhead-Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book
Braille-The IV & Counter Attack EP/Extra Box For Japan
Brother Ali-The Undisputed Truth
Chrome Children 2
Cilvaringz-I
Clutch Player-The Atlantic Connection
Cormega- Who Am I? DVD Soundtrack
Custom Made-Truth Be Told EP/Heavy Traffic
Dahlak-Dual Conscience
Decompoze-Decomposition
Devin The Dude-Waiting To Inhale
Dub Floyd & Wally Sparks present Hip Hop Docktrine 2
DJ Jazzy Jeff-Return Of The Magnificent
Eternia-The Set Up
Freeway-Free At Last
Guilty Simpson- Stray Bullets
Hi-Tek-Hiteknology 3
Illa J-EP
Ill Poetic-The World Is Ours
Jay-Z-American Gangster
Jazz Addixx-Oxygen Refreshed
Junk Science-Gran’dad’s Nerve Tonic
J. Medeiros-Of Gods And Girls
Klashnekoff-Lionheart: Tussle With The Beast
Killah Priest-The Offering
Mac Lethal-11:11
Madlib- Beat Konducta In India Vol. 3 & 4
M.I.A.-Kala
Mick Boogie & Busta Rhymes-Dillagence
Nametag-Ahead Of The Basics
NBS (Natural Born Spitters)-Evolution
NYOil-Hood Treason
Othello-Alive At The Assembly Line
Panacea-The Scenic Route
Peanut Butter Wolf presents 2K8 B-Ball Zombie War
Percee P-Perseverance
Pete Philly & Perquisite-Remindstate/Mystery Repeats
Phat Kat-Carte Blanche
Polyrhythm Addicts-Break Glass
Prince Ali-I Miss 1994/Presents The Corner Ensemble
Prodigy-Return Of The Mac
Pugz Atoms-Conversations With A Chamelion
Redman-Red Gone Wild
RZA presents Afro Samurai: The Soundtrack
Saul Williams-The Inevitable Rise And Liberation Of Niggy Tardust
Senim Silla-The Name, The Motto, The Outcome
Showbiz & A.G-Live Hard EP
Supastition-Leave Of Absence EP
Skyzoo-Cornerstore Classic Mixtape
Stu Bangas-Stu Bangas Vol. 1
Styles P-Super Gangster, Extraordinary Gentleman
Ta’Raach & The Loveolution-The Fevers
Top Shelf-8/8/88
Undersea Fam-West Coast Raw Future
Vandalyzm-The Free EP
Wale-100 Miles & Running
Wisemen-Wisemen Approaching
Witchdoctor-Diary Of An American Witchdoctor
Wildchild-Jack Of All Trades
Wiz Khalifa-Prince Of The City 2
Wu Tang Clan-The 8 Diagrams
Wyclef Jean-Carnival Vol. II: Memoirs Of An Immigrant

I missed about 20 albums that I’m sure Eric @ When They Reminisce and Travis @ Wake Your Daughter Up will remind me of (The Smile Rays, for instance). This is all off the top of my head. To my Boston peoples, I may have forgot some of your mixtapes because there were so many so if I missed any of y’all joints don’t take it as a diss, it’s just that I was trying to put up Hip Hop releases with nationwidewide distribution or online distribution and I missed yours by mistake.

All greivances should be made below. Happy Birthday to Christina @ Showbunny Entertainment & my brother Buctayla.

One.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Dart Adams presents A Tale Of Ten Trailers AKA I Have Entirely Too Much Free Time On My Hands

I figured that the best thing to do when you’re having trouble coming up with something to write about that everyone else hasn’t already touched on is to write about things that I bitch and complain about constantly. Following that logic, I decided to write comments and reviews about ten different movie trailers that have recently hit the internet. Why ten? Because it’s overkill and you’ll more than likely stop reading what I wrote after the fourth or fifth one but I’ll continue to drone on and on about some shit that you could care less about.

I used to work at record and video stores for years and God knows that people that work at these kinds of places stand around all day and do nothing but concoct lists. I will now force myself to stop typing this pointless ass intro and get to the movie trailers:

Funny Games


This film was clearly not thought up by a American. It turns out it’s a remake of a 1997 German/Austrian film of the same name. The writer/director that did the original has also done this one so it’ll have all of the same tone and feel as the original film. Two young men take a family hostage while they’re vacationing and make a wager with them that they’ll be dead by the morning. The trailer does an excellent job of dropping hints and clues as to what’s gonna happen in the flick. Where’s the kid going? What are they gonna do to Naomi Watts? What’s the deal with the golf clubs? Is the director is big fan of The Clockwork Orange or what? I

Bottom line:
Damn good trailer. This type of film is in my fucked up movie wheelhouse, I’m definitely going to see this joint...I might even go to the theater for a change.


John Rambo official trailer


John Rambo international trailer (gully version)


This trailer has been the cause of controversy ever since the original extra gory international trailer first hit the net back in late September. Apparently, John Rambo had been enjoying a life of leisure over in Asia until some military cat asks him if he would go into Burma and do him a solid. Since John is from the Snake Plissken School Of Indifference he passes (unless he can bring his gat, that is). Later on, shit gets real and Julie Benz (AKA Darla AKA Rita) shows up and begs Rambo to go all Ikari Warriors on Burma. He’s listening now. More shit jumps off and Rambo gets strapped up, crosses the border into Burma and brings more drama than an entire season of Inside The Actor’s Studio.

Bottom line:
In the international trailer you begin to get concerned that those aren’t special effects if you know what I mean. My father was from Honduras and he used to joke that Mexican film from the 60’s and 70’s didn’t use stunt people...they used criminals, pedophiles and rapists. “Did you see any stuntmen in the credits?” “Did you see the way that blood shot out that man’s neck?” “Either they got better special effects people than Hollywood in Mexico or that mmotherfucker really got shot!”. That’s sort of the way I feel about that trailer. Remember that Sly got caught shipping HGH during this flick, too. Where in the hell did Millennium Pictures come from all of a sudden? I’m definitely going to see this flick but I’m not gonna pay for it...sorry.


Cloverfield


We all saw the original teaser trailer and had to deal with jackoffs online who broke down each frame trying to decipher more information about the film. As a writer and filmmaker myself I feel that is corny and it kind of blurs the purpose and intention of the teaser trailer in the first place. It’s supposed to be vague and make you want to see the first proper trailer that much more. Why try to suck the mystery out of it. All we gleaned from the first trailer was that some huge creature has attacked New York and we see the attack from the perspective of people on the ground rather than the regular “God” view that we normally get in monster movies. J.J. Abrahms clearly knew what he was doing. This trailer sucks in the veiwer and makes them feel as if they too are running from...whatever the hell that is. Is it Godzilla? Mee Shee the water giant? A huge Peter Griffin? Monster Zero? A Robeast? Either way, by casting a bunch of no name actors it adds to the feeling that this really going on because you can’t focus on a familiar face during the trailer.

Bottom line:
I’m usually skeptical about blockbuster film/monster movies but by giving this movie an experimental film/indie flick twist it might actually be a good movie after all. I’ll toss my cynicism aside and actually go see this film. Excellent second trailer.


Revolver


I’ve been waiting to see this goddamn movie for almost two full years. I’ve had it in my Netflix queue since early 2006 and I often complained (once in this very blog) about it never being released. I have been hearing about this movie forever and now it’s finally going to be released to the American audience. This trailer is slick and stylish in every way imaginable right down to the music. This looks like it’s going to be classic Guy Ritchie all the way. Check out Andre Benjamin not in animated form for a change! This joint looks like it’s gonna be ill. I’ll reserve the rest for the bottom line.

Bottom line:
I need to see this shit yesterday. The movie poster jpg is going into my blog pictures folder and I’m already clearing out a spot in my DVD collection for it. I’ve been sold. This is how you make a fuckin’ trailer! I like the older international one as well but this one is more suitable for trying to sell it to an American audience that may be unfamiliar with Ritchie earlier work (who that may be I don’t care to even think about).


Speed Racer


Yuck! What the fuck is this shiny bullshit? Why does this look like one of Robert Rodriguez’ horrible kid flicks? I’m not feeling the super bright colors or the extra obvious CGI effects. It looks like Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory for God’s sake! The casting is okay but I’m really not feeling this storyline at all (Snake Oiler's in this flick?). This flick looks way too goofy to take seriously. This will be the first film I’ve seen Emile Hirsch in that may just outright suck. Sure, the Wachowski Brothers “created” The Matrix but didn’t that trilogy go to shit right after the first film? This trailer sucks, the movie looks like it was made by Disney and it looks like it’s going to be mad cheesy...I’m talking 80’s movie cheesy here.

Bottom line:
This trailer is lame and “Speed Racer” looks like it’s going to be a goddamn train wreck. Did you peep the ninja attack in the trailer and John Goodman as Pops Racer? This movie looks so unbelievably bad that all I can think about is how I felt when I first saw the trailer for Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. Absolute HD CGI trash.


Wanted


As I watched this trailer all I could think of was how much I couldn’t wait to see the first “Watchmen” trailer. The tone and visual aesthetic of this trailer is just what I expected it to be. The viewer is drawn in immediately and enaged from the beginning (the easy way to do that is to use Angelina Jolie as soon as bloody possible). Once Morgan Freeman’s voice is heard it’s like EF Hutton is speaking...everyone listens (that reference was for all you 70’s and early 80’s babies out there). Check out Common as The Gunsmith! I hear he might be Green Lantern in the JLA flick, too. The stunts in this trailer are crazy as all hell...did a train really just crash into a mountain? On the way down? Is it June yet?

Bottom line:
Great trailer, I want to see this flick. I’m sold. Timur you’ve done it again.


Jumper


As I watch this trailer all I do is try to figure out the exact sales pitch that the cretive team used to sell it. “It’s like “The Matrix” meets “Minority Report” meets “The X Men”!” or “Imagine if “The Covenant” didn’t suck and you then multiplied that film with the “Daywatch” trilogy! Then you have “Jumper”!”. This trailer is pretty damn engrossing but it really picks up when the conflict is introduced (and Samuel L. Jackson). After seeing all of those special effects, camera tricks and fight scenes I’m looking forward to seeing if all of those elements worked in the end. Damn good trailer but the movie could still potentially suck.

Bottom line:
Hopefully this is a good movie. I have seen so many film about novels where the novel gets lost in the CGI and special effects in post production. I hope this film has actual characters in it as opposed to the action being the draw because it’ll do pretty well at the box office and sell a lot of DVD’s but ultimately suck. I loved the trailer but I’ll wait until I see the actual film first even though the producers usually do an excellent job of mixing actual stories with compelling characters with action.



The Dark Knight
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/batman-trailer/

This just hit the ‘net recently and every time someone puts it on YouTube or Dailymotion it gets taken down immediately so I’ll provide a link to a site that has a good quality version of it running. Heath Ledger is far exceeding my expectations in this trailer as The Joker. This shit looks mad grimy, too. As in the case of the “Speed Racer” trailer production value can make a movie look like trash. By keeping it understated and dialing back on the “shinyness”, you can make the film work that much better.

This looks like it might be even better than “Batman Begins”! Maggie Gyllenhaal’s cute in this one (sometimes she looks like a gremlin/gnome on film) and I guess she’s “the chick”. I’m gonna be watching this one a couple of more times tonight. Damn good trailer, Christopher Nolan’s doing the damn thing! Morgan Freeman’s about to have one hell of a summer in 2008.

Bottom line:
I’ll be in line July 18th to see this...early. I was a little worried when Heath Ledger said he wasn’t familiar with the character. I guess he did like Clinton Sparks.


10, 000 B.C.
http://www.chud.com/index.php?type=news&id=12895

Uhh...*raises hand* I have more than a few problems with this trailer AND this movie now. I saw the original teaser trailer and I was like “Oh Word!”. I saw THIS trailer on G4TV last week and was like “Bulllllshit!”. First of all, this movie was supposed to occur in 10 000 B.C (or B.C.E. for the history freaks..okay ME) and as far as I (or any of my many college professors) knew, yes there were trade routes and settlements in Africa at this time, there were no huge centralized cities tied in to an organized religion that built huge monuments until around 3800 B.C.

It looks like these cavemen are bringing the ruckus to an organized civilization that looks like an amalgamation of the Egyptians, Nubians and Kushites. None of the types of structures that exist in this trailer would’ve ever existed in that particular time frame. Hold up, are brothers in Africa getting attacked by wooly mammoths and saber toothed tigers in this joint? What kind of reverse Tarzan bullshit is this trailer supposed to be anyways? Did they expect me to be in theater cheering for Caveman Tarzan to get his girl back? I know that folks went for “300” but that was a famous historical legend and a Frank Miller graphic novel...this here is some straight up fictionalized bullshit.

Of course, the Africans came and (?) pillaged the caveman village, but they snatched up the girl and brought her back (she has blue eyes..they were mesmerized!) to the rest. Then the dread headed (?) hero rounds up his cave dwelling people and a throng of suddenly domesticated wild animals, crossed the desert and attacked an entire city full of brown people with an organized army (and it seemed like they won) to get his girl back and get from under their oppressive foot? Get the fuck outta here with that garbage! Am I catching feelings over this trailer for no good reason or do I have a valid point? Have they written about this on Racialicious yet? I’m not feeling this movie for several reasons that I don’t even have time to write about in detail.

Bottom line:
Fuck this movie. Fuck the all of writers, producers and directors of said film. Fuck the studio that greenlighted it and the executives that work there and run it. That is all.

One.