Revenge Of The Nerds AKA Big & Pac Wrote Poetry! (Sarcasm Alert)

Before I get started, I'd like to say that only a nerd would write this shit. It kills me knowing that all these people that come down on artists such as Lupe Fiasco for making "nerd rap" don't realize that some of their favorite rappers could've been considered nerds themselves. Besides, what actually makes you a nerd? First, take into account that what makes street cats/thugs call you a nerd and what average everyday people would call you a nerd for are two different things entirely.

To some, reading a damn book once in a while can automatically qualify you as a nerd. Knowing some random facts that aren't absolutely necessary to your survival as a human being can make you a nerd in the eyes of some. You knew that E Love was the person in the Public Enemy logo? Guess what? You are one nerd ass nigga, son! If you watched any of the X Men movies in the theatre and screamed at the screen something to the effect of "Bullshit! His/her powers don't even work like that!", your ass MIGHT be a nerd...It also counts if you thought it, but kept it to yourself. I've heard several times in the past few years that if we were to eliminate the nerd element from Hip Hop/Rap music entirely, then it would be better off. I'd like to see that theory put to the test right now by eliminating all nerds past and present from the industry, leaving us with only the realest, gulliest, and most official rappers once and for all (So all you muthafuckas can finally stop complaining).

If I broke down the histories/pasts of some of everyone's favorite most thugged out/gulliest rappers, you might see an odd connection. Tupac Shakur and Christopher Wallace, better known as 2Pac and Notorious B.I.G., were both honor students with an aptitude for language at an early age. They both attended advanced classes and wrote poetry often. Tupac even attended a performing arts school during his teen years. They both also loved public speaking and they lived to make their mothers proud. Now, I don't know about you...but that sounds like two nerds bios to me. How about O'Shea Jackson, better known as Ice Cube? Honors student with an aptitude for writing and public speaking at an early age. Went off to a school in another part of town due to his special talents, he also wrote poetry. Yep...Cube was a nerd. How about Scarface? A young Brad would look around at his environment and complemate his existence. He would then sit down and write these deep stirring poems about depression, suicide and the bleakness of his life and his surroundings. His command of the English language came from staying in with his grandmother and reading the Bible during his early years...Damn, son...Face was a biblical nerd!

Wu Tang Clansmen RZA, GZA, Inspectah Deck, and Method Man were all placed in advanced classes when they were young due to their advanced reading and writing and verbal skills. They attributed it to reading so many comic books (nerd alert!) and seeing all of those Shaw Brothers/Golden Harvest Kung Fu flicks as children. Listen to the rhymes of Raekwon, Ghostface Killah and Masta Killa. They stay making up words, creating new styles and rhyming about shit that no one but them seems to understand (U God, this means you). Plus, they all later became members of the Nation Of Gods & Earths (AKA The 5 Percent Nation)...all those cats do is study lessons, learn the Supreme Alphabet, the Supreme Mathematics, etc. They stay "doing the knowledge" and sharing it with other people in order to uplift them. You know what OTHER group always reads and then tries to tell other people about the new shit that they just learned about? The Nation Of Nerd Ass Niggas.

Fat Joe is one thorough ass gully dude, but he's down with D.I.T.C. (that's Diggin' In The Crates!), a collective of legendary emcees and producers revered by hip hop nerds worldwide. Since he's down with no longer relevant, washed up types like Diamond, Lord Finesse, Buckwild, Showbiz, A.G., super lyrical Big L (R.I.P.) and nerd rap icon O.C., he's a nerd by association. The Lox admitted to reading a bunch of books and watching films and studying past emcees styles to come up with their approaches. Jadakiss, Styles and Sheek all wrote rhymes for other artists in the past...how can you be a thug when you're always studying something and reading and writin' and shit? Didn't Styles P have an album shelved because he was getting all political on it? Concern for your people's welfare ain't gangsta! Those niggas are nerds, straight up. Damn, I just realized...there are MAD nerds in hip hop!

Jay-Z once admitted to liking Dead Prez, The Roots, Common and Talib Kweli (all a bunch of nerd ass niggas loved by other nerd ass rap fans). He also writes all of his rhymes in his head (something he learned from that nerd ass nigga Biggie...nerds love to share information). It goes without saying that Hova's a nerd. Nas? Did you hear Illmatic? That's a backpacker album if I ever heard one! He tried to switch it up on his next two joints but we all knew the truth. It ain't hard to tell that God's Son is a nerd as well. Rakim? Nerd. KRS One? Nerd. Kool G Rap? Nerd. Big Daddy Kane? Nerd. Masta Ace? Nerd. 50 Cent? He copyrighted the G Unit name and orchestrated the takeover of Gluceau (the Vitamin water company) by finding out that they were trading publicly and slowly buying the stock and researching the company until he bought the majority of the stock. So 50 was looking through the NYSE and NASDAQ and checking the trade papers? That sounds like some ol' nerd shit to me. That being said, ALL executives in Hip Hop/Rap music are nothing but some glorified nerds. Sitting in an office all day coming up with marketing strategies and trying to track spins and all that other non gangsta shit is straight up cornball. Dame Dash? Nerd. Steve Stoute? Nerd. Chris Lighty? Nerd. Kevin Liles? Nerd. Diddy? Come on son! It's obvious! Nerd. (Thugs ain't concerned about preserving their sexy OR moisturizing their situation!)

Let's take it a step further. If you're a rapper that gets recognized on the street in Europe and Asia but niggas on your own block don't know who you are, you MUST be one of those damn nerd rappers! If you're a rapper that writes rhymes with too many multisyllabic words and sometimes people have to ask about or Google some shit they were talking about in a verse...you're a goddamn nerd (This means you Ras Kass, Saigon and Papoose!). If you are in any way, shape or form original...then, your ass is a nerd. If you're a punchline/battle rapper and you've never sold drugs or shot anyone, leaving you with no choice but to actually talk about your opponent's skill level/appearance during a battle...you're a nerd. If you actually spit off of the dome during battles with no writtens, you're an even bigger nerd (and in some cases, a dumbass). If you're a rapper that has ever appeared on CNN, C Span, or any show hosted by Dennis Miller, John Stewart or Bill Maher, you're a nerd. If you're a rapper that does speaking engagements or lectures, then your are obviously a nerd. If you're a rapper that has every written a book before, (especially one about the artform of rapping or Hip Hop culture) you're a nerd (I'm looking at you Kool Moe Dee and KRS One!).

Think about it. If you write a book, you're an author. A thug can't write a book (They don't read 'em, either), if he does he's a SNITCH. Besides, what the fuck does a thug wanna write a book for? The game is to be sold, not to be told. Iceberg Slim and Donald Goines were nothing but some nerdy niggas with typewriters. If you're a political or conscious rapper in any way you're obviously a nerd. Why? Because the only people worried about the Bush Administration, anywhere else overseas (and you live HERE), global warming, the world water supply or the future are fuckin' nerds anyway...they need to be worried about gettin.. some pussy and stop crying about not being able to sell CD's because of the radio. Now, if you look back at the last couple of paragraphs, I've almost eliminated every nerd ass rapper in existence...Let's kill some more birds.

Let's move on the people behind the boards that actually make the music. DJ's and producers? Mostly nerds. They often memorize breaks and riffs from obscure musicians and go digging for old records. They spend hours alone locked in a room with musical equipment and computers trying to master it and trying to chop up some horn sample so much that some other nerd ass dude in Denmark won't be able to tell it's from an Art Blakey record. They know what record is an original pressing due to the catalog number and color of the print on the jacket/sleeve of the album. They even write lists of obscure records/breaks and go searching for them to collect them. These cats have all of these theories and tricks for beatmaking. They know mad shit about beatmaking tools, instruments and keyboards. A lot of times they sit around with other producers in a room and talk all day about sounds, effects and kits. Swizz Beats not only produces but he paints abstract art and studies under legendary artist Peter Max...That sounds like some uber nerd shit to me. Marley Marl? Nerd. DJ Premier? Nerd. Large Professor? Nerd. Dr. Dre? Nerd. Rick Rubin? Nerd. Pete Rock? RZA? Nerd. Nerd. DJ Quik? Nerd. Mannie Fresh? Nerd. Battlecat? Nerd. DJ Scratch? Nerd. DJ Pooh? Nerd. Jermaine Dupri? Nerd. Prodigy? Nerd. Timbaland? Nerd. Scott Storch? Nerd. Just Blaze? Nerd. Alchemist? Nerd. Fredwreck? Rockwilder? Nerd. Nerd. MF Doom? Lord Of Nerds. Madlib? King Of Nerds. Kanye West? Super Nerd. Pharrell Williams? Super Duper Nerd.


Only the realest and gulliest rappers should be left now that we've eliminated all of those wackass nerds that are ruining hip hop so let's see who that leaves...Young Jeezy is definitely not a nerd. Young Joc is definitely not a nerd. Young Dro is definitely not a nerd. Jibbs is definitely not a nerd. Rick Ross definitely isn't a nerd. Nelly isn't a nerd. I'd say T.I. and Lil' Wayne but, according to my blog stipulations above^, they're actually both nerds...plus Wayne is in college and he's currently a CEO so he's definitely a nerd. Chingy isn't a nerd. Jim Jones is actually a nerd because he can negotiate new label deals and get out of binding preexisting contracts like nobody's business. He directs videos and he's also a record executive at Warner AND Dipset Records ...only a nerd can do all of that type of shit at the same time. The Game? Wasn't he on "Change Of Heart." trying to keep some chick that didn't want him? That's some true nerd shit right there. Sometimes REALLY smart nerds come up with a word to disguise the fact that they just happen to be cool nerds...they call themselves "hustlers", "entrepreneurs" or "businessmen/women". Bullshit. If they know a whole bunch of shit that most other people don't, they're just some more goddamn nerds trying to trick people that they're really not.

Of course, SOME people believe that being smart, well spoken, well read, or being good at verbal/math skills doesn't neccessarily make you a nerd automatically. They believe that a nerd is actually someone who lacks basic/necessary social skills due to all of the time that spent doing something/anything else other than regularly interacting with other people. Since they never spent time with their peers they never properly developed intrapersonal skills that might allow them to blend in others. They usually don't know how to talk to women/men or acquire new friends. They usually don't play sports or know how to dance. They often times dress badly or have to no style or fashion sense. They're also known as geeks. These same people actually believe that it's okay for a person to be well rounded and it's possible to have a wealth of knowledge about street shit, sports, music, literature, film as well as world history and other cultures without them being called a "nerd"...but who gives a fuck what "they" think? ... "They" ain't shit but some nerds anyway. One.

This blog was originally posted on AllHipHop.com on October 9th, 2006 as part of my State Of Hip Hop Blog Series.